


To The Moon

by RikiBotic



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But if blood triggers you please don't read, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Kinda, M/M, Minor Violence, To the moon inspired, Victor's POV, mentions of otabek, what happens when you give me a laptop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 08:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9314156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RikiBotic/pseuds/RikiBotic
Summary: "I found the best part about dying was how clear everything becomes."In which Viktor remembers the life he's lived and regrets what can't be fixed.---Based off the video game, "To The Moon," one of my all time favorites. I wrote this in two hours listening to the soundtrack. Every song is one or so paragraph. This is my first work so I'd appreciate any criticism.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work so any comments are welcomed.  
> Also this is based off the game, "To The Moon," which I highly recommend to anyone who loves a good story. Many references are made to the game's soundtrack so you should listen to it while reading.

_ I found the best part about dying was how clear everything becomes. _

 

My memories were not foggy like they had been my entire life. Rather they were pristine, even those from before we meet, as little kids no older than ten. 

I remembered our childhood. The homes we lived in, and the families that raised us. Your home was as cozy as you were pretty. Your family alive with the joy of seeing another day. A stark contrast to my home, filled but empty as the only thing in it was furniture that remained relatively unused. I remember your frown when I told you that I rarely saw my family, my mother who was busy doing things I didn’t understand, my father who was busy seeing women I didn’t know. You had me over for dinner that day, when I for the first time truly felt anything along the lines of love. I found it strange, how a boy four years my junior could change my life. You’ve always shocked me, found new ways to surprise me, to comfort me. 

_ If you ever need someone,  _ You smiled and your cheeks flushed  _ Go towards the moon and you’ll find me. Let’s reach the stars together. _

That’s where I’ll meet you soon, Yuuri.

  
  


_ I found the worst part of dying was leaving our son. _

 

He’s played piano since he was five, you would have wanted him to. I could never go against your wishes, no matter how much it pained me to hear the songs he’d play, the ones I’d written for you all those year we were together. But he’s talented, in every way you and I weren’t.

He won’t put his skills to use, that I know. Much like I, he won’t play for anyone but us and that boyfriend of his. Though he always reserves the best for us. 

As I lay, on my death bed, he played for me.

Yura always knew the only song that I’d remember by heart was  _ For Yuuri _

 

_  
_ _ I certainly wasn’t ready. _

 

I lived a decent life. But when you die, everything becomes real. The things you’ve seen, the people you’ve met, and the emotions you’ve felt. It all becomes… real in ways it wasn’t before. 

I remember thinking,  _ I have to see you again.  _

And then, I knew I haven’t come to terms with your passing eighteen full years ago. When our baby was still just a baby. You didn’t live the life you should have, that much is true. I see now that even after, I was alive. 

I’m grateful to having lived.

  
  


_ I don’t stop wishing. _

 

That you and I spent more time together. That you had more time with Yura. That we could have all skated together, at least once. That Yura would remember you, and know the life you’ve lived. That the love we shared stretched enough to reach you after death did us part. 

But I’d give every star in the sky, so my wish of never having tried that program with you wasn’t just a wish.    
I miss you.

  
  


_ How did we meet? _

 

I don’t remember that, even in death’s grip. I’m just glad we did. Perhaps it was our love for skating? Or our desire to be close to someone else?

Regardless we were born strangers, I’m glad to have gone beyond that with you. 

  
  


_ I played for you so many times before. _

 

I played when you turned seven. I played when you passed middle school. When you won your first competition. Most importantly when you won my heart. That was when I wrote  _ For Yuuri.  _ Your song, brimming with my love for you.    
I’ve played that at your funeral too. 

  
  


_ I made you a stranger. _

 

You loved cooking. But I never remembered your favorite recipes. You always had to reteach me. 

You loved reading. But for the God’s sake, I never remembered your favorite novel. You always had to reread to me. 

You loved me.  _ Always had,  _ you said. But I never remembered when I began to love you. 

I’m sorry my memory always faded and I’m sorry I made you feel like a stranger.

  
  


_ But the stars… _

 

You’ve loved them all your life. I believe even in death you still do. After eighteen years, I desperately want to believe you’ve befriended all of them and that you’re waiting to introduce me. 

Do you remember what you called the stars when you were a child? 

They were lighthouses, each one was the home of someone that died. I always said that when you died, you’d be the brightest star in Sagittarius. I’d be the closest star to you in Capricorn. 

I think that night, after your funeral, while I gazed at the stars with Yura swaddled in my arms, I saw a blinking star next to the moon.

Will that be our new home?

 

_ It’s selfish, but once I’m gone I’d rather not see Yura. _

 

He’s only eighteen. I don’t want him to join you or me, not for a long time, no matter what I’d give for him to see you. For you to hold him, praise him the way I have. But he’ll carve his place by the stars. I’m sure he’ll do it all in his youth. I don’t want to leave him just yet.    
With that boyfriend of his, I’m sure I won’t.

Both will take a place by the stars.

I’d rather today, tomorrow or any day not be that day.

  
  


_ You always loved skating. _

 

Our first date was at the local ice castle. Where Yukko’s mom let us have it to ourselves. We raced on the ice, not letting the other get too far ahead. We were scared of the ice, but loved it nonetheless.    
Yura definitely gets that from you. 

Take me anywhere but back to that day, for it’s the one I treasure most of all.

 

_ There was few times we pair skated. _

 

We tried it once as teenagers. When I was strongest and you weighed the equivalent of a feather. We fell once, just getting on the ice because we were being stupid. Laughing to much to notice our skates were backwards. 

We tried it again as adults, newlyweds. I held you up while you still had the ugliest tie around your neck. You held me close, while I still had the flower crown placed upon my head. We must have looked ridiculous, yet to me, no one could compare to your beauty on that day.

  
  


_ We tried a last time as parents. _

 

I think we both knew it was a bad idea. Neither being at peak physical stature, having left the ice a year before we adopted Yura. I was happy, ecstatic, just being alone on the ice with you. Yura was with your sister wasn’t he? I’m grateful he wasn’t there to see all that happened. I’m grateful he wasn’t old enough to understand if I told him.    
Yura didn’t see the moment I held you over my head, didn’t think as to whether or not it was safe. He didn’t see the skate begin to tilt at an off angle, nor the horror on my face when I realized we would fall. 

  
He didn’t see you go face-first onto the hard ice. He didn’t hear the sound of bones shattering as they met ice in a twisted greeting. He didn’t have to feel warm, red blood pool around his fingers or spray pathetically at his face. He didn’t hear me cry, scream for you to get up, for you to give me a sign you were okay. In a twisted way, I almost wish he did. At least so he’d never repeat my mistakes.  

So he’d know why I can’t bare to look at my hands anymore. So he’d know why I faint at the sight of copper blood. 

  
So he’d forgive me for never letting him near the ice.

  
  


_ Everything is alright now. _

 

It’s really not. I can’t step into the spotlight anymore.  _ I killed you.  _ How could I? All I ever wanted is to forget. Forget you, forget the ice, forget our son. I wanted the world to end, because that day mine did. All I could see was the sky, the moon and stars, even then they reminded me of the promises to fly away we made. You weren’t with me anymore, nothing was alright. 

I can’t feel my words. There was always a rift between me and the world. You were my bridge, you collapsed. Suddenly, I wanted the sky to empty if only to bring you back.

When you’re with me, everything is alright.

  
  


_ Everything’s alright. _

 

Yura cried in the last hour. Holding my hand, like he did as a child, burying his face in his boyfriends’ chest.  _ Everything’s alright dad. It’s alright.  _ Flowing like a broken record from his lips. 

  
  


_ I’ll see you again tomorrow.  _

 

You’ll smile. I’ll frown. How could you forgive me for what I’ve done. I want to believe you can’t, deep down I know you will. That’s what uneases me. Your forgiveness is not something I deserve. I want to see you, I want you to forgive me but at the same time I don’t.

  
  


_ Three… Two… One… _

 

And like that I died. And like that I was staring at millions and millions of miles of empty space. My vision brimming with dark blues and pastels and silvers and golds. Colors I haven’t seen in ages. Suddenly, there was no pain. I felt my body free, weightless. 

  
_ Viktor Nikiforov was pronounced dead at 3pm on November 29th. _

 

I want to see you. 

 

I want to hold you.

 

I want to tell you stories about our son.

 

_ Viktor!  _

 

I turn my body and raise my hand to wave.

  
“Yuuri!”    

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT 1/13/17: Thank you for the nice comments! I'm happy to see people enjoying what I write. Here's the link to the fanart that one scene was loosely based off of: http://phyxalia.tumblr.com/post/155559482267/duskisnigh-keep-reading-why-do-i-keep-coming


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